This ministry has been laid on my heart for two reasons. In most churches I’ve gone to there is one specific area that is lacking and that is groups for 21 – 40 year olds. I don’t know if churches just don’t know how to reach that target group and identify with what they are going through, or if that target group falls away because they are more interested in living life than doing what is necessary to support their spiritual needs. There could be other reasons but those are the two that I struggled with.
I hope you don’t mind, but I am about to get real with y’all to lead up to my next reason for this ministry. This is my testimonial and the first time I’ve really opened up, even in the small portion I am now.
I was born to my amazing Mother and her beautiful family. I was also born to my birth father’s side of the family. My birth father and all of his siblings were screwed either by personal tragedy or just refusing to let go of the past. His father though, was amazing. He was a nondenominational pastor. He is where I got the love and support of a father from in my early years. He taught me any second he could about Jesus and God. He played his guitar like no body’s business and taught me to sing with him. On his porch we would sing all kinds of country songs from Dolly Parton to glorious gospel songs. He was truly my rock and the one I remember the most of my first 5 years.
My mom and birth father divorced when I was 5 and my birth father and I had a extremely rocky relationship. In that being the case I looked for a father figure everywhere. We were going to a baptist church where I was part of youth group and had just gotten a new youth minister. He was great to the kids that were in sports but the rest of us were pretty much ignored or subtly told we weren’t wanted there. He really did make my life miserable. I ended up going to our Preacher at the time and he said there wasn’t much he could do without proof. The two were friends and that was how our youth minister was referred to the position. I didn’t feel heard, safe or comfortable, and it took me a long time to get over the fears and hurts that this one man put into my heart.
I met David in college and we ended up getting married. Before getting married we went through counseling and one of the very first things our minister asked us was, “What denomination is your heart calling you too?” There was no wrong answer to this. Most denominations believe in the same God and only have a different way of looking at things. We thought about it for a few minutes and she replied, “It doesn’t matter where you find your Home, only that you find it.” David was from a Catholic background and I a Baptist background. We settled on Lutheran and began researching different churches. We just really couldn’t find one and by one particular Sunday morning David screamed, “Just choose one!” For another 5 minutes I looked between two Lutheran churches but something kept pulling me to St. Paul. We went and immediately fell in love. I pushed away and tried really hard, but my transformation first began when I got a call from Mrs. Virginia asking us to return and be part of everything. I really owe her for keeping me coming back with one single phone call, and her very helpful hints of us needing to keep coming back when we did show up for church.
This year has been rough for me emotionally. God had a calling for me and I fought it because I was scared. It wasn’t what I ever saw for my life, but where I was at made me miserable. I’d do anything I could to not go in to work, to not go to church, and anything to not deal with what I was feeling. I was sick and twisted inside and it took a sermon, the one I call THE sermon for me to finally surrender. It was the fourth Sunday of Lent and Paster Harder did a sermon about what God is like. I don’t remember the whole sermon, but I remember “waking up” and looking at everything I wrote on the sermon notes and bulletin. God was asking me to surrender and he told me I am His. That all the pain of losing my uncle, the man who helped my mom raise me, wasn’t for nothing. That the pain of what my birth father said to me growing up, was never true. I was LOVED! That is all that I’ve ever wanted. To feel as if I was truly loved. I came to Him as he asked in the middle of the church service, crying my eyes out, as the pastor was finishing. For the first time in my life when I took Communion, I FELT JESUS IN THE BREAD AND WINE! I was set free!
That doesn’t mean it’s been easy since then. In fact it’s been even harder. But I WOKE UP! I was no longer in the darkness trying to find my way. I was no longer scared of failing and of not reaching perfection. I was set free! I learned in a short time that trying to fail is much much harder than trying to be perfect. Whether you agree with that statement or not let me explain. Trying to be perfect means letting go and letting God in to help you. Where as trying to fail means fighting Him and everything HE wants for your life. Refusing to move from one spot because you are afraid, settled, or just a control freak like I am. Fighting what God wants for you is much more difficult than fighting WITH God. By fighting by His side you are striving for perfection whether it’s reached or not.
I chose Psalm 25 for this lesson because since the beginning of this year when I found this passage it has been my prayer. Deliverance and Forgiveness is what Christian relationships are about! Trusting in God to deliver us from the evil of this world, to trust Jesus to deliver us into Heaven, trusting the Spirit to guide us and makes us feel whole. When I’m scared, hurt, happy, mad, etc this brings me comfort. This is my praise song to Jesus Christ and it speaks about what it IS to be His follower. It means you lean on Him and trust in Him. You gain your forgiveness and happiness and peace in Him. The only one who can deliver you into Heaven is Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. The other verses are here to help support you and show you the kind of believer the Father wants you to become.
So, let me ask you, where is your relationship at? More importantly, where is your voice?
My voice comes from me standing up and refusing to let anyone stand in my way. Most of all myself. I have been working on getting over my fears and have been working hard to be a functioning member in our church. I am also working hard to find other outlets for my voice as a Christian. Which is one of the reasons this group has started. I feel part of my calling is to help everyone find their voice and their place. That is the main reason why I made the group the way it is in the structure and discussion. This isn’t about opinions but finding your voice and using a safe place to express it while learning from each other.
Your voice can be anywhere. It doesn’t have to be in a group. It can be anything. Simply by working to conquer your fears. It doesn’t have to be words, but it can be actions. Your voice is what you make it. Show your relationship with Jesus Christ by using your voice, whatever it is. Just as your relationship is unique so is your voice. And when you do find it. Don’t let it go!
Our next meeting will be on September 14. Members of our group are allowing us the use of their property by the Guadalupe river. It is just going to be a fun adult day out. David will BBQ hamburgers and hotdogs and everyone else just bring a side. We will have water and tea, if you’d like alcohol or sodas please bring your own.
We will be discussing Zechariah and how he found his own voice. But mostly focusing on his faith, and how we can take his example and use it in our own faith. Think on where your faith is, and how it can be better. Don’t forget to check out blog, pictures from today’s adventure will be posted soon, as well as, September’s Self-Study.
AND please feel free to contact me or David with any questions, concerns, or ideas you’d like to share. We are always here for you!
BE BLESSED!
Adventurers in Us 